you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
