I just cut my nipple shaving
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize