I will die if light touches me.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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