Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize