it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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