what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
