we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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