It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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