I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
