My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
