So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
