The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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