oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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