Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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