I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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