Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
