i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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