Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize