I am midnight drunk by noon
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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