fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize