all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
