His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
