He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
