I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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