I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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