It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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