Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
