but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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