I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize