My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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