Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
