I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
