im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
