Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's blow job season.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
