If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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