hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
