Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
