I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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