Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize