PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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