community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He passed out mid-signature
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize