Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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