1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm too high and old for this...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
