I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize
