On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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