Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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