Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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