Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
