he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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