put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You pole danced in your parka.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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