yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
