just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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