apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
