it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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