Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
