I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
