I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize