I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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