I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
