Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
There r osticjed everywhere
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
