Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
