we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
