I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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