My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm sobbing to NWA
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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