shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
