i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
