omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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