I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
