He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize