Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
