I hate all girls vehemently.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
