stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
