just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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