i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
