Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
