Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
