WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
