I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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