You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
