I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
