You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
