You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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