You're a womanizer and a bitch.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Randomize
