Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize