Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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