then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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