I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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