id be glad to
She announced her abortion via fbk
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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