She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
