So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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