I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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