There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
