I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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