Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
