I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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