I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
