did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
