So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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