i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
