So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
