she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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