I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
