remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Girls should come with a carfax report
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
