Farmville is her only friend.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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