I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
