I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
