I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
