i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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