We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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