just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
